The Committee for the
Declaration on the Torah Approach to Homosexuality
www.TorahDec.org
February 05, 2012
Press@torahdec.org
An Open Letter To Chaim Levin
and Other “Gay Orthodox” Advocates
Dear Chaim Levin,
We are writing as members of the Torah
Declaration committee and just like you, many of us have personally struggled
with Same-Sex Attraction (SSA). We know well the difficulties, the pain, and the
fear involved in this struggle. We are sorry to hear that you personally had an
unsuccessful and negative experience as part of your efforts at healing your
SSA. As with therapy for any issue, many individuals will feel differently about
their personal healing process and may experience differing results.
Differing Experiences
A friend of yours, Jayson Littman, who is now a
publicly gay-identified Jewish activist, also utilized the services of the same
organization for healing his SSA. While he is proud about his gay identity, he
also publicly acknowledges, in an article written in the Huffington Post, that
engaging in therapy through that same organization as you did, was incredibly
helpful and healing to him:
“I worked
through therapy to gain confidence, shed body-image issues and work on
correcting the classic triadic family dynamic (enmeshed mother, distant father,
and confused, overly sensitive son) that resulted in my homosexual condition (so
I believed). During therapy I learned how to love myself, love my parents, and
feel emotions. I became confident, secure, and emotional.”
Many of us on the Torah Declaration Committee
have likewise personally experienced a profound healing of our emotional wounds
that caused our SSA. Gender-affirming therapy helped us with a broad range of
emotional, self-esteem and body-image issues. Like Mr. Littman, who also
experienced his therapy in a totally different light than yours, we believe that
our experiences in therapy enabled us to live our lives in harmony with our
religious beliefs and values and should not be negated but rather be highly
recommended. We also, Baruch Hashem,
have been able to successfully overcome or manage our inclinations to the extent
that some of the men on our Committee who previously had no attraction
whatsoever to women, now feel very attracted to women.
Furthermore, several of us have met incredible
Aishes Chayils, women of valor who
were able to see past our SSA struggles. They love and support us for who we
are, as striving human beings and Torah observant Jews. As our loving spouses,
their support is heaven sent both in our continuing commitment to our journey
and in living a Torah sanctioned life. Some of us can now sit proudly, holding
our children in our arms. In those moments it becomes crystal clear that all of
the struggles and difficulties in overcoming our SSA are well worth the
courageous efforts we undertook.
We want to share that joy, hope and real life
fulfillment with all of our struggling brothers and sisters out there. It’s
terribly tragic that most of us only
hear the false message of “born this way and can’t change.” We
know this is not true, because we have
personally experienced this process. There is now a whole network of Orthodox
individuals who have successfully overcome or managed their SSA and we will no
longer be silent. We are tired of hearing and enduring the continuing ridicule,
denial, and demonization about our journey to wholeness. Those days are now
over. We will no longer stand idly by. Our voices and experiences need to be
heard.
While most of us do not want to be public figures
as we move on with our lives, we have personally met with many of the signers of
the Torah Declaration. Our Rosh Yeshivas and Rabbeim and the Ravs of our shuls
are now very aware of the many frum
individuals who have successfully gone through the healing journey for SSA. They
have met us, our spouses and heard our stories. Attempts to deny our existence
and our success, is no longer a viable option for gay activists.
Our question to you, Mr. Levin, is what kind of
life will those who heed your message have?
How can you tell Torah Observant 18-, 19-, or 20-year-olds that they
can’t ever have any type of kosher intimacy or romantic love for their entire
lives because “they can’t change?” We deeply empathize with your personal story
and lack of success in healing your SSA. Our hearts go out to you. However, just
because you have not been successful, please don’t discourage others from having
a real chance at successfully turning around their lives and be able to live
with Torah-sanctioned love and intimacy by healing or managing their SSA.
Dissonance between Identifying as a Gay and
Orthodox Jew
Another friend of yours who is public about his
identity and struggle and is part of the “Gay Orthodox” acceptance movement has
written for several years on his blog (anotherfrumgayjew.blogspot.com) about the
many sides of this issue. Originally
he stated that he did not see a conflict between his identity as a homosexual
and that of an Orthodox Jew. Initially, he fully accepted upon himself the
obligation to remain celibate for his entire life while not denying his
“identity” as a proud homosexual, believing he was “created” this way.
After a few years of living with the reality of
what life is like as an “Orthodox Gay Jew,” he recently posted the following on
his blog:
“I want to posit something a bit deeper.
Being gay, acknowledging that there is a part of you, created by G-d or
developed as you grew up, that inherently desires you to act against religion
makes you question why and how this is possible. One is forced to acknowledge
the possibility that the Torah, at the very least, has been misinterpreted over
the past few thousand years, or maybe even be wrong, and that makes you change
your thoughts, beliefs and behaviors.
“How can a
person be gay and religious? How can G-d create someone gay, or develop a gay
identity within a person and then tell them that they cannot act on it? This
question rocks so much of the foundation of everything the Orthodox community
raised me to believe. For that reason many of my gay friends and I will all
question things about religion that we hadn’t before acknowledging our
sexuality. I question how accurate
the Rabbis were in their interpretations and what biases were brought into the
Talmud and codified law. Many others in today’s world think and question the
same way, but for myself, and maybe for other gay people as well, it’s the
underpinning of being gay that drives these questions. These questions that make
a person rethink every law, not just the law and interpretation of
homosexuality. For anyone that's ever experienced the dissonance with the Torah
- that a part of their being and who they are is delegitimized by the Torah,
they understand what I'm talking about.”
Once again our hearts ache for the terrible
disillusionment that is confronting Orthodox individuals who have bought into
the gay party line that somehow homosexuality is an identity and an intrinsic
“part of who you are.” This
unfortunate belief system, which is unsubstantiated by science, can be
spiritually destructive to the person who adheres to it.
The Gemara in Nedarim 51(a) expands on the
meaning of the word Toeivah that the Torah associates with acts of homosexuality.
To’ei attah bah—you have been led
astray/you are mistaken with this. It is a false belief to think that this is
part of who Hashem created you to be. You may have this inclination and desire
not by conscious choice, but as a human being, you retain free will to overcome
it. If you mistakenly believe that homosexuality is part of who you are, how can
you possibly ever hope to overcome it? The Torah is telling us not to accept a
mistaken belief along with not engaging in a prohibited action, because one
tragic misunderstanding leads to the other.
“Private Behavior and
Assur Activity”
In your letter you wrote that you don’t mention
prohibited behaviors. You say that “being gay” is not an expression of “personal
intimate behavior; it merely expresses an orientation.” Perhaps we should think
about the realistic results of this approach. Your position is tantamount to
telling Torah Observant Jews who are struggling with SSA, that they can
never have any kosher intimacy or
romantic affection in their lives. People struggling with SSA are no different
than anyone else and deeply desire emotional and physical support and love that
is personified by a loving spouse while building a
Bayis Neeman. What kind of effect will
your telling them that this is a permanent and unchangeable condition have on
their “private behavior,” particularly if they are young? We all know that too
many will falter and commit “assur activities.” Words and beliefs have real world consequences and, in our
case, consequences of Biblical proportions.
You claim that you are not trying to change
halacha or advocate for gay marriage. That may well be. However, many other
advocates in the so-called “gay Orthodox” world are very much trying to push the
envelope on what is “acceptable” according to halacha. Steven Greenberg touts
himself as an “Orthodox” Rabbi. He recently orchestrated an “Orthodox gay
wedding” or what he calls a gay Orthodox commitment ceremony. One hundred
Orthodox Rabbis quickly issued a public denouncement of his efforts to portray
himself as an “Orthodox” rabbi in these circumstances and condemned the farce of
creating an “halachic” gay ceremony.
Only a few weeks ago another gay affirming
Orthodox Rabbi from Yeshivat Chovevei Torah, Rabbi Zev Farber, publicly posted
(Morethodoxy.org) the following shocking statement and open breach of prohibited
Biblical law:
“I believe we
must come to terms with the fact that, in the long run, Orthodox homosexual Jews
really have no choice but to allow themselves to fulfill the intense desire for
emotional and physical intimacy in the only way open to them.”
This outrageous statement has encouraged and
emboldened “gay Orthodox” activists to now start touting Rabbi Farber and his
statement as an official heter for
people to act out biblically prohibited activity.
It is very clever to take the incremental
approach to gay acceptance. “We just want acceptance of our orientation.” Your
plea for acceptance of homosexual “orientation” becomes Rabbi Farber’s
acceptance of violations of Biblical law based upon his unfounded belief that
individuals have “no choice,” which, in turn, leads to Rabbi Greenberg’s
argument that “well, if they are going to be acting out, isn’t it better if they
are married.”
This incremental approach has worked exceedingly
well in the secular world. Gay activists have possibly engineered the most
successful social movement in the history of the United States. In the past few
decades, they have succeeded, through a combination of emotional appeals,
intimidation and political coercion, in changing numerous laws in the U.S. in
order to gain acceptance and now affirmation of their life-styles, including
same-sex marriage in several states. This was unthinkable 25 years ago.
Understanding the Torah Declaration
We are happy to clarify any confusion about the
theological basis for the Torah Declaration (TorahDec.org), which encourages
love, compassion, and support for those struggling with SSA. It makes clear that
healing is possible and available for those who wish to abide by Torah law. The
Declaration also makes a clear distinction between difficult or tragic
situations, which happen all the time, and a permanent Torah-contradicting
situation with no solutions:
“Struggles, and yes, difficult struggles,
along with healing and personal growth are part and parcel of this world.
Impossible, life long, Torah prohibited situations with no achievable solutions
are not.”
Tragic accidents or afflictions in which someone
loses a limb or is born blind or deaf or, G-d forbid, contracts cancer are
indeed mostly permanent situations. However, none of those tragic situations are
a Torah-violating condition like homosexuality which posits that one is not
capable of finding fulfillment without violating Torah law.
In other words a deaf person has no Torah
obligation to hear a shofar, nor does he express a deep desire to violate
biblical law. He is able to lead a kosher life without any type of Torah
violation. The same is true of someone who is blind or has cancer. There is no
inherent contradiction with Torah law in those situations.
In fact many other permanent types of situations
where one is born with a physical or spiritual affliction such as a
mamzer (child of a biblically
prohibited relationship) or even a tumtum or an androgyne (person born with unsure or mixed genders) may
halachically enter into marriage. There is a kosher outlet for each and every
situation. A mamzer can marry another
mamzer or a convert. According to the
Rambam and Nodeh b’Yehuda, a tumtum and an androgyne can get married as well.
There are other situations which temporarily may
not have a kosher outlet, such as that of an
agunah. However, these are
circumstantial and changeable situations with possible solutions. A witness may
show up to testify to the death of the missing husband and free the
agunah. Or a recalcitrant husband may
finally give his wife a get.
The Torah Declaration’s theological viewpoint
that “impossible, life-long, Torah-prohibited situations with no achievable
solutions” are not possible, is, in fact, unique to the falsehood stated about
homosexuality. None of these other tragic or difficult situations enumerated
above include a permanent, unalterable, Torah-violating condition with no hope
for any type of satisfactory solution, as is being falsely posited about
homosexuality.
The Torah Declaration’s Message of Love and
Compassion
What you, Mr. Levin, neglect to mention about the
Torah Declaration is the whole section devoted to the “mitzvah of love and
compassion” wherein we understand that individuals afflicted with same-sex
attraction “are primarily innocent victims of childhood emotional wounds.” The
Declaration makes clear that such individuals “deserve our full love, support,
and encouragement in their striving towards healing.”
However, the Declaration makes a crucial
distinction between “struggling individuals who seek health and wellness” (as so
many of us did) and those who proudly identify with “the homosexual movement and
their agenda.” The importance of this distinction, the Declaration goes on to
say, is “the difference between what G-d asks from all of us and what He
unambiguously prohibits.”
The Torah Declaration’s message of hope and
support for those struggling with SSA has been signed by over 200 (and growing)
of the most respected and well known Rosh Yeshivas, Ravs of shuls, community
leaders, and mental-health professionals. This is a broad coalition consisting
of Rabbis from across the religious and political spectrum. They include members
of the Chassidish, Yeshivish, Chabad, Sephardic, Modern Orthodox, and Yeshiva
University communities. Signers include R’ Yisroel Belsky, R’ Moshe Green, R’
Shmuel Kamenetsky, R’ Sam Kassin, R’ Avrohom Y. Nelkenbaum, R’ Yisroel Neuman,
R’ Steven Pruzansky, R’ Yisroel Reisman, R’ Hershel Schachter, R’ Moshe
Soloveichik, R’ Moshe Dovid Tendler, and R’Abraham J. Twerski M.D. (For a
complete list see out Signatures page.)
We hope that Rabbis, community leaders, and
mental-health professionals who read this response will also consider signing
the Torah Declaration. There is power in numbers and everyone who signs the
Declaration can make a significant difference in this important struggle to
protect our Torah way of life.
We would like to end our letter by emphasizing a
crucial point to the Torah Observant world:
change for SSA is possible. This
essential message can literally save people’s lives. We know—because it did for
many of us.
Sincerely,
The Committee for the Declaration on the Torah Approach to Homosexuality
(Sources)
(1) Jayson Littman’s quote from the Huffington Post:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jayson-littman/jewish-ex-gay-movement_b_1105011.html
(2) Anotherfrumgayjew.blogspot.com quote:
http://anotherfrumgayjew.blogspot.com/2012/01/challenge-everything.html
(3) A tumtum and an androgyne can get married according to the Rambam:
http://www.science-halacha.com/refuah/refuah_eng_E1.htm
(4) 100 Rabbis denounce Rabbi Steven Greenberg and his ceremony:
http://www.algemeiner.com/2011/12/05/100-orthodox-rabbis-issue-same-sex-marriage-declaration/
(5) Rabbi Zev Farber’s quote and position on Orthodox homosexuals:
http://morethodoxy.org/2012/01/11/homosexuals-in-the-orthodox-community-by-rabbi-zev-farber/